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Ep 111: PART TWO - Your body remembers: rebuilding trust after loss with guest Ashton Koehlmoos

Listen to Part 1

If you haven't listened to Part 1 of this conversation, go back and start there to hear Ashton's full journey through infertility, endometriosis, IVF, her loss at 16 weeks, and how she discovered that fitness was masking unprocessed trauma.

Link to Part 1: https://www.sharnasouthan.com/podcasts/what-i-wish-i-knew-beyond-pregnancy-loss/episodes/2149104398 

 

Welcome to Part 2 of my conversation with Ashton Koehlmoos—if you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back and start there to hear Ashton's full story of infertility, loss at 16 weeks, and her journey through the fitness industry's gaps.

In this powerful continuation, we dive deep into the physiological reality of trauma—how it literally changes the way you breathe, how your shoulders curl in to protect your heart, and why your pelvic floor remembers what your mind tries to forget.

Ashton shares the practical, body-based strategies that helped her rebuild trust with her body, and offers hope and guidance for anyone facing the terrifying prospect of pregnancy after loss.

In this episode, we explore:

  • The physical manifestation of trauma: How Ashton's shoulders curled in, restricting her breathing and oxygen flow to her brain
  • The power of breath: Understanding diaphragmatic breathing and why it feels like suffocating at first when you've been in survival mode
  • CO2 tolerance: Why trauma keeps us in an "inhaled state" and how to slowly restore your body's natural breathing rhythm
  • The pelvic floor-diaphragm connection: How shallow breathing shuts off your body's natural stabilization system
  • The 6-9 month healing timeline: Why breath work and reconnection take time (and that's okay)
  • Loss IS postpartum: Why every pregnancy ends in postpartum—whether your baby is in your arms or not
  • The missing postpartum care for loss moms: How to honor your body's healing regardless of how long you carried
  • Exercise myths during pregnancy: Debunking outdated advice and understanding what's actually supported by research
  • The paralysis of pregnancy after loss: Working with fear, movement, and rebuilding safety incrementally
  • Cause and effect thinking: Why we blame ourselves and how to release the guilt
  • Finding trauma-informed support: What to look for in a coach who can hold both worlds
  • Following your intuition: How to reconnect with your body's wisdom when it feels silenced

Ashton's most powerful wisdom? "You don't have anything to prove to your body. It has not failed you. It is perfectly made. You're just in a rough patch right now. Follow your intuition—it's your body speaking to you, and it's never going to steer you wrong."

This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating pregnancy after loss, working through unprocessed trauma, or trying to understand why their body feels different after loss. Ashton's approach is compassionate, evidence-based, and deeply rooted in honoring what your body has been through.

Key moments from this episode between Sharna & Ashton

On the Physical Reality of Trauma: After loss, Ashton's shoulders curled forward, protecting her heart. This restricted her lungs, diminishing oxygen flow to her brain—causing brain fog, difficulty thinking clearly, and an inability to make decisions. This wasn't "in her head"—it was a physiological response to trauma.

On Breathing and Survival Mode: When we're in trauma, we exist in an "inhaled state"—shallow, rapid breathing that keeps oxygen in our system but never allows for a full exhale. This keeps us in fight-flight-freeze mode. Learning to exhale fully can feel like suffocating at first because our bodies have become so accustomed to holding onto oxygen.

On Loss and Postpartum: "Every pregnancy ends in postpartum—whether you have your baby at home, in your arms, or not. Women who experience loss don't see themselves as postpartum, but we do have to honor the healing of the body and the pregnancy it had. All pregnancy ends in loss, and we need to honor that healing timeline."

On Pregnancy After Loss: "There is no research that supports a correlation between exercise and causing loss. In fact, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of articles supporting the benefits of exercise in a healthy pregnancy. But what is safe and appropriate for pregnancy might not feel safe to you—and that's a massive gray area that needs to be honored."

On Rebuilding Trust: "Movement might come from 'Can you walk down your driveway and back? How did that make you feel?' Then we add another layer. This is where it gets very individualized. If not doing anything is what feels safe to you, be okay with that and let the anxiety go."

About Ashton Koehlmoos

Ashton Koehlmoos is the founder of Resilient Mama Fitness and Lifestyle, where she supports mothers through all seasons of motherhood with evidence-based fitness and lifestyle education. After nearly five years of infertility, three surgeries, IVF, and the loss of her son Gabriel at 16 weeks, Ashton discovered massive gaps in postpartum care and trauma-informed fitness support.

She specializes in helping moms reconnect to their bodies in ways they never have before—addressing core and pelvic floor dysfunction, trauma-informed movement, and pregnancy after loss. Her approach integrates breathwork, nervous system regulation, and strength training to help women move without fear, leaking, or pain.

Ashton is currently developing a comprehensive app launching in the new year, featuring specialized programs for pregnancy after loss, first trimester support, and postpartum recovery that honors the full spectrum of birth experiences.

Connect with Ashton:

Want to learn how to support women through loss?

If this episode resonated with you and you're feeling called to support bereaved parents through their healing journey—or if you've experienced pregnancy loss yourself and want to turn your pain into purpose—I want to invite you to learn more about becoming a Pregnancy Loss & Trauma-Informed Specialist.

Join the FREE Loss to Purpose Masterclass

Discover exactly what the Pregnancy Loss Practitioner Certification is all about:

In this masterclass, you'll learn:

  • The 6 pillars of The Pregnancy Loss Recovery Method™ and how they create lasting transformation
  • Why traditional support methods leave bereaved parents feeling unseen and unsupported
  • The critical gaps in current pregnancy loss care (and how you can fill them)
  • What sets trauma-informed pregnancy loss support apart from general grief support
  • How to turn your lived experience or clinical expertise into life-changing work
  • The exact framework you'll receive in the certification program
  • Real stories from certified practitioners already transforming lives

Whether you're a healthcare professional, coach, doula, therapist, birth worker, or an angel parent who knows you're meant to do something meaningful with your experience—this masterclass will show you the path forward.

This isn't just another grief certification. This is a comprehensive, body-based, neuroscience-backed approach to supporting the whole person through one of life's most devastating experiences.

👉 REGISTER FOR THE FREE LOSS TO PURPOSE MASTERCLASS HERE

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

  • Diaphragmatic breathing techniques
  • Stephen Porges and Polyvagal Theory
  • Core and pelvic floor health
  • Pregnancy after loss exercise research
  • Trauma-informed movement practices
  • Local ultrasound clinics for pregnancy after loss support

Episode Quotes

"Your shoulders are curling in and protecting your heart. That was an actual physiological response to trauma—it restricts your lungs and diminishes the oxygen reaching your brain."

"When we become that shallow breather, we lose connection to the pelvic floor. It should be going up and down with every single breath, but trauma shuts that off."

"We still have to honor the postpartum healing and tissue healing that needs to happen. We can't just bounce back to what we were doing prior to pregnancy, even though we didn't carry it to 40 weeks."

"Is this the only way you're coping? What else are you doing to support your grief and loss? Are you giving your body permission to move through the grief with this movement session?"

"Your baby was long gone before that moment. Death and bleeding—it doesn't happen that fast. Your body needs time to recognize that the loss happened."

"There is no research that supports a correlation between exercise and causing loss. But what feels safe for one person might not feel safe for another—and that needs to be honored."

"Never doubt your intuition. Your intuition is your body speaking to you. That gut feeling about something—just follow it. It's never going to steer you wrong."

"Your body has not failed you. It is perfectly made. It's just you're in a little rough patch right now. It doesn't mean you're going to be in this spot forever."

Subscribe & Review

If this two-part series with Ashton resonated with you, please subscribe to What I Wish I Knew After Pregnancy Loss and leave a review. Your support helps other bereaved parents and professionals find these conversations.

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Share this episode: Screenshot and tag @instituteofhealing_pl and @resilient.mama.fitness on Instagram

Connect with Sharna

Instagram: @instituteofhealing_pl
Website: www.sharnasouthan.com 
Podcast: What I Wish I Knew After Pregnancy Loss

FREE Loss to Purpose Masterclass: https://www.sharnasouthan.com/loss-to-purpose-masterclass 

OR APPLY for the certification HERE

Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is not medical advice. If you need further support, please consult your healthcare provider. Be gentle with yourself.