EP153: Am I allowed to grieve? Laura and Kon-ick on pregnancy loss as a couple
Just before Christmas, Laura and Kon-ick lost the pregnancy they had waited almost two years for. Their GP gave them no information and no referral, and later wrote "suspected miscarriage" in Laura's notes. The apps they were using made it worse.
On the same day Laura logged her loss, Kon-ick's app suggested he ask his wife if she wanted to have sex.
So they built what they couldn't find. We Are Together is a platform designed to support both partners after pregnancy loss, shaped by Laura's background in psychology, their own research surveys and the stories of other couples.
In this Movember conversation, Kon-ick talks openly about switching into male fix-it mode, sobbing down the phone to a support line, and not knowing whether he was allowed to call himself a dad. Laura shares what it was like to box her grief away, and how telling their story again and again has helped her process it.
If you're a couple navigating loss, or a practitioner who has only ever been able to refer one partner at a time, this one's for you.
In this episode:
- The appointment that left Laura with no idea what was about to happen to her body
- Kon-ick's Father's Day moment in Sainsbury's, and why he told Laura about it on a video call
- How Laura and Kon-ick grieved in opposite ways, and how they learned to make room for each other
- Why Kon-ick was frightened to touch Laura while she was miscarrying, and how that affected their intimacy
- The light bulb and traffic light features they built so couples can share how they feel without a big conversation
- The UK rule of three miscarriages before investigation, and what it means for couples trying again
- Why they refuse to sell user data, and the question to ask about any free app
Resources mentioned:
- We Are Together: www.wearetogetherapp.com
- 21 days of free access, then one subscription that covers both partners
- Listeners get three months free with this code: 'SHARNA'
- If cost is a barrier, email the team and they will help you get access: https://www.wearetogetherapp.com/contact
- The free Loss Care Gap Guide, mapping the seven places women fall through after pregnancy loss: https://www.sharnasouthan.com/the-loss-care-gap
If this episode stayed with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps these conversations reach the couples who need them.
