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EP151: Angry at god after Pregnancy Loss? Spiritual distress, faith & finding meaning with Rev. Christine Vaughn Davies

đź“– Free guide:

The Loss Care Gap maps the six places women fall through care after pregnancy loss, from the loss itself through to fertility and pregnancy after loss. Download it here: https://www.sharnasouthan.com/the-loss-care-gap

If you support women through loss, it shows you where the women in your care are slipping through. If you've lived it yourself, please pass it on to your midwife, GP or doula.

 

What happens to your faith, your sense of self and your place in the world after pregnancy loss?

In this episode, I sit down with Reverend Christine Vaughn Davies, an ordained Presbyterian minister, hospital chaplain, seminary professor and trained spiritual director. Christine leads the spiritual care department at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital and has experienced six pregnancy losses of her own, beginning with an ectopic pregnancy.

Christine shares her own "dark night of the soul", when even as a minister she couldn't find the words to pray. She explains how pregnancy loss can disconnect us from ourselves, from the people around us, and from God, the divine or the universe. She also explains why a question like "why is this happening to me?" is often a lament, and not a request for an answer.

Whether you have a faith, have walked away from one, or are somewhere in between, this conversation is welcoming, non-judgemental and deeply validating.

In this episode, we explore:

  • The difference between religion and spirituality, and Christine's broader definition of spirituality
  • What spiritual distress is, and the three areas of connection that loss can break
  • Why "everything happens for a reason" and "God needed another angel" can cause harm, even when people mean well
  • Intrapsychic loss: grieving the dream, the identity, and your belief about how the world works
  • Why anger at God is common, normal, and can be held
  • "Show up and shut up": how to support someone through loss, and what to say instead
  • Practical ways to help, from specific offers to calendar reminders at three months, six months and the anniversary
  • How to prepare for hard days like Mother's Day, due dates and anniversaries, using rituals you hold loosely
  • Why grief can resurface years later, sometimes in unexpected ways like baby chicks and empty brood boxes
  • Why you can only witness someone else's pain to the extent you've witnessed your own

Moments that stayed with me:

"We don't get over this. We move through it and it changes us."

"There are no words. I wish I could make this better for you."

Resources mentioned:

  • God Doesn't Need Another Angel: A Plea to Stop Using Toxic Religious Platitudes, by Christine on Substack https://journeyingalongside.substack.com/
  • Beyond the Celebration: Navigating the Complexities of Mother's Day, by Christine on Substack 
  • Christine's writing on anger at God

Connect with Christine:

Connect with Sharna

Find me here: @reproductivelossleadership

Free guide, The Loss Care Gap: https://www.sharnasouthan.com/the-loss-care-gap

If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love to stay connected.

Follow the podcast page: @pregnancyloss_podcast 

My mission is to help change the landscape of pregnancy loss care through education, advocacy, research, and evidence-informed, trauma-informed support. Whether you're navigating your own loss, supporting someone you love, or you're a healthcare professional wanting to improve the care you provide, there's a place for you here.

You can follow my work, explore educational resources, listen to more podcast episodes, or learn about the Pregnancy Loss Recovery Method™ and Integrated Pregnancy Loss Care framework, or the Pregnancy Loss & Trauma-Informed Specialist Certification.

Together, we're creating a future where every pregnancy loss is acknowledged, every family is supported, and every practitioner feels confident to provide compassionate, person-centred care.

I'd love to hear what resonated with you from today's episode. Share your thoughts, leave a review, or connect with me on social media. Your voice helps shape this conversation and reach more families who need it.

Thank you for being part of this community. Together, we're changing the future of pregnancy loss care.

 

If this episode helped you feel seen, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Reviews help this conversation reach more women who are grieving in silence.